Word. I am a very proud mom to 3 elementary aged kids, 2 of which are twins. I am a Florida native, WHAT! and I am VERY new to blogging. I have found my voice in finding ecstatic glee using self-deprecating (or defecating?  I can never remember which) humor.  What you can expect to witness here is some attempt at funny. You might never get that. But, I can promise to always be real. Really off topic, really annoying, or really intoxicating – but (usually) not intoxicated. I do not believe in taking myself or anything too seriously. I love to write, have a goal to be published in the future, hopefully will one day be able to skate across the collegiate stage in my walker, horn-rimmed glasses and hand-knitted shawl to receive my Bachelor’s degree (it’s really hard to commit with my condition!) and most importantly and rewarding, I work at a really great school.

I appreciate and love my life, have a different and unique perspective on almost everything, and I love (LOVE) to shock people.  I do genuinely have ADD, (inattentive type) Social Anxiety, and a little thing called hypersensitivity with sound/noises.  It looks ridiculous, seeing it written out, because I just do not know any other way than to just embrace those jacked up traits, and to make them even funnier than they already are. I do not medicate for these issues, and I also refuse to ever use them as an excuse. Sometimes, I do use them as evidence, or to my advantage.  The evidence part was a very long police incident that we do not need to delve into, but it was cra-zee.   I compensate in every way that I know how in order to feel normal, to remember, and to function.  I always have a pen and a pack of sticky notes, am always checking or writing in my calendar, and am ALWAYS cross-referencing information before I ask a stupid question, double book myself, or make a stupid comment.  That last part was a lie. I wish I could cross-reference. Just once.  There’s just no way people like me could do that. I’m going to try to do that one day.  If I remember. What?  Oh. I want my kids to always remember me laughing and having fun. And, I want them to always remember me placing them first. It is very important to me to teach my kids to be open-minded, kind-hearted and humble, and how to laugh at themselves. Because, for real, I am a bundle of stressed out, paranoid, non-confrontational, shy, toxically annoying socially defunct bundle of whacked out nerves, and they’re probably going to need a lot of therapy. I HATE mean people!

Here are more insignificant things that you probably don’t care to know about me:

• I am afraid to fly. True story
• I hate massages.  Not messages – those are really helpful.  I hate massages in a really jumpy, shady way.  Like, get away from me right now.  This is my personal space, and you have really crossed the line
• I love scrapbooking, jewelry-making, reading, writing, knitting & painting, and I’m not freak-alicious at any of it
• I am straight up passionate about sarcasm and I hate the year round heat.  I make sarcastic heat jokes, but they usually bomb
• Sushi and coffee – holla
• I will correct the hell out of your grammar.  In my head, because I am very polite
• I love my i-phone.  There’s actually nothing funny about that obsession

Thanks and goodbye.

My husband just asked me to add one more thing, as the list is not complete.

• My wife also has a phobia of cleaning, and probably cooking, but definitely of listening and keeping on budget and is on strike against laundry.

The pleasure is all mine!