A few of my favorite things – spring edition

I just feels like giving the people what they don’t want. I am in an anti-mood. So, I am going to offer you some more insignificant, minuscule and completely irrelevant facts. You can stuff that into your rank pie-hole tabacky pipe.

“What does this flowery bitch like to do in the Spring?”  You’re not wondering.

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I do get the fact that I’m probably 5 years behind the 8 ball with this social media app.

Well, I do a lot of shits in the spring. For one thing, I fine tune my tastes, I change up my white, folded and wrapped up linen napkins that I ordered from an English Etiquette Estate, (the 3-E thing was Enticing), I nest, burrow and hibernate. I don’t spring clean, but I do like actual bouncy springs and the sort.

So, anyhoo. I am always going to like coffee. However, I have spanned out! I am diversifying and evolving. I now enjoy the green tea from Panera, and the peach green tea lemonade from Starbucks. It’s definitely a spring time fetish of fancy, festive freaking fun. It tastes REAL good.

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Can green tea get rid of eye wrinkles?

Okay, so I also do the normal spring time nonsense. I take my spring loving kids outside in the sun for a minute, let them get doused with a water drop, do theme parks, go see some movies, run around in poppy fields, and celebrate Easter. I do all the things. I am also not mad that we all get a few days off.

Bruh. I love wine in the summer, winter, fall, and spring, and in the Bermuda Triangle. And, I don’t know what the F autumn is, but I am particularly fond of a brisk, aromatically autumn wine. They’re more, thick, I think, and more alcoholic. I’m going to send a shout out to drinking wine in the spring. This is me covering my tears as I heave and bawl at the thought of the cool, crisp, even hella-cold weather coming to an end. Lies! Here’s how I will dry my tears.

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There’s a reason why my grandmother always tells me to “paint my lips.” Jesus. You can’t even tell where my chin begins and lips end.

Exactly. FU, swim suits. This is something that I don’t love about the spring. I’ve seen one too many thousands of reminders and social media check ins that it’s: “Beach time!” “Just sinking my toes into the sand at the beach, and my favorite: “We just live at the beach.” FU. I like the beach. You know what snacks I HAVE to bring? Muffin tops and cottage cheese. And I’m not trying to run any sand laps, either.

spring8I love trying to think outside the box when it comes to writing. This spring signifies me being a blogger for 2 years <HOLLA> and just learning to fine tune my craft (OH MY GOD I’ve always wanted to have a “craft”). I need to do some research and photography for my CRAFT, you know, the spring one.

spring3Yeah, this kind of sucks about spring. I’m NOT A FAN of going back to the flip flops and open-toed shoes, to the manicured and “callous free” feet. Why? Because my foot situation is already just as low maintenance as it can get. I wear white ankle socks and clogs EVERY day in the fall/winter. This requires no nail polish, no toe chaffing, no ashy legs (I get ashy!) and no heel splitting. Flip flops seem fun, care-free and easy. But, it’s just another 10 minutes added on to my daily routine. I already can’t get nowheres in a timely manner.

spring7Deze books. I LOVE books, however, although they’re not technically seasonal, they do fly on and off the shelves. I love taking the kids to the library during the spring so they have something to read during our days off. It’s so unfortunate that my library fees are higher than Trump University.

spring4I love my 2 furry assholes. Not in the way you think I mean. I especially like these guys in the spring, though. Since I don’t like a whole lot of people, it makes me appreciate these turdshits even more.

spring1I ALWAYS love the Wizard of Oz! It’s my all time favorite movie. And, for argument’s sake, it first came on in the spring! You don’t have to research it; just take my solid word for it. You can clearly see the “spring” surrounding the characters below.

spring10OMG. I’ve just become a Simpsons fan. After all this time! I did not appreciate it then like I do now. I never sat long enough to fully let the inappropriate sink in. I love the inappropriate. The Simpsons epitomizes everything that makes me laugh in this new guilty pleasure. And it’s as funny as seeing a frog do fraction.

Photo Courtesy of www.hulu.com
Photo Courtesy of www.hulu.com

Also – I don’t really like painting spring pictures. Of all the seasons, that’s probably the only one that renders no inspiration. But, I will paint a damn picture about fall, winter or summer IN the spring. I will do all of that in the name of spring.

Here are other things that I will do in the spring. I will still cackle, I’ll still twerk (alone in my office with the door closed), I will scream nonsensical verbiage at miscreant hoodlums for no reason, I’ll still lay out in the sun for way too long, I’ll forget shit, I’ll waddle around my house looking for my brain cell, I’ll be paranoid and assuming, I’ll annoy the hell out of my kids because I adore them, and I will keep trying to take more classes, be more sarcastic and buy more bargains. Dream big, friends.

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