Oh-Em-Gee! I am giddy with electric tremors! I am encapsulated with delirium! Now hear this, Joe Public! My husband is applying for a new position. We are over the moon excited! This will make such a huge difference in our family dynamic. Life-changing! I’m having a hard time settling myself down, because the anticipation is just a killin’ me. I just cannot wait to hear if he got the VOLUNTEER assistant coaching position that he ALREADY had AND volunteered for last year. Fa-real. This very alleged ‘sought after’ position is for a youth tackle football league. Oh, my son is 8. We are talking at least 30 hours a week that these coaches volunteer for. They give up their precious free time, which is, in essence, taken away from their families. They dedicate every second of those volunteer hours to sharpening football knowledge, teaching lifelong lessons, and more importantly, fostering key sportsmanship in these kids. They are mentoring our children, and spending priceless hours upon hours with kids that some parents are unable to. The season is butt-ass long. But first, we have to interview!
It’s a panel interview. PANEL. I don’t know if I told you this already, but it’s to FREAKING volunteer. We paid a ton of money for my son, who is EIGHT, to play this sport. What was that you asked? No, there was nary a discount for the registration, seeing how my husband dedicated countless hours on the football field last season. There was no discount.
My hubs will rock this interview out! He’s the coolest person that I know. But, even they need to study. Yes?
Anyhoo, here are some standard interview questions that we can probably expect to field (HA) from said panel interview.
What unique experience or qualifications separate you from other candidates? Well, I did the exact same thing last year, for free. So…that’s something. Oh, and I have this ring that my assistant coach and I won last season for coming in first place in the 7/8 year old flag football league. (if you count him buying them separately on eBay and the fact that’s it’s actually a “WWE” ring). But, the important thing is, there’s a ring.
In what ways do you raise the bar for yourself and others around you? Hmm. I will grab the bar and I will lift it higher. The bar, in essence, is now functioning at a higher gravitational checkpoint than it once was. Bar higher. Bam.
What type of work environment do you prefer? I am not at all trying to be picky. But, in the past, I have migrated towards positions with a pay scale. Now I realize just how selfishly presumptuous and assuming that is, and I have definitely taken a step back from that insidiously shameful mentality. I am really trying to learn how to be more gracious.
What would you say are your two greatest weaknesses? My main weakness would most definitely NOT be my loathe some views on asinine time wasters. My other weakness is cheese. And slow runners.
What is your biggest accomplishment? I do not, in any way, want to sound like I am bragging. But, I have won numerous championships while playing Madden on Play Station 4. In the above mentioned game, I ran a nickel defense and it was more than successful. So successful, that I was able to lead the Giants to the Super Bowl.
Here are some questions that I plan on forcing my husband to ask during his interview just because I always need a good chuckle:
Will you be posting this position to outside sources, or do you plan on hiring within?
“In 10 years, I see myself…”
Do I need to wait the obligatory 30 days before my health benefits kick in?
Can you tell me why the last person left this position?
What’s the morale like in this establishment?