So, we are having another. It’s where you receive a topic and have one hour to blog about it. Our topic is “Dear Orlando tourist…” Hmmm. Let’s see. Oh!
So, I guess on the top of my list for Orlando tourists, is GOOD GOD, PLEASE STOP WEARING THOSE STUPID MATCHING SHIRTS. Why? WHY? I don’t know why you feel the need to use actual MONEY to go purchase matching shirts for everyone in your party with…gasp…everyone’s name embroidered on the front, along with the attraction you are visiting. Not lame, cheesy, or idiotic whatsoever. Why do you do this? Do you think an Apocalypse is coming and the only way that the angel of the after world will find you is if your ENTIRE FREAKING PARTY is wearing asinine apparel? Stop.
Another thing that grabs my gizzard is people who don’t tip. I know that this is not an Orlando exclusive thing, but I used to be a cocktail server, in Orlando, and let me just say WOW. There are a lot of people who plead ignorant to the tipping phenomenon. I don’t really care what your views on servers are and how you may or may not think you shouldn’t tip them because then maybe they should just go get a ‘real job,’ and perhaps then they wouldn’t have to work for tips. The underlying fact is that if you CHOOSE to go enjoy the luxury of wait service, then you *(#@% well need to tip the appropriate amount (depending on the service, of course). I used to be a cocktail server at Church Street Station. Most fun time of my life? Uh, yeah. For sure. Best. time. ever. Unfortunately there’s always a downside. There’s always gonna be someone who sideswipes your fun right from under your feet.
I still look the exact same, except now I’m a big, fat liar. So, when I worked there, they (I don’t know who ‘they’ is!) would bus tourists in from a different country. Now, I do not want to call these people or their country out, but let’s just say…Oh! Have you seen the movie Rio? Anyhoo, busloads I tell ya! They would bus them in, and all of them would sit in my section because I was a glutton. They would sit in my section and they would snap their fingers to get my attention. They would SNAP their fingers??? Did I suddenly find myself caught up in some crazy nightmarish dream where I am on stage in a freestyle poetry cafe? Did I lose my beret? And, the very special phrase that would accompany that was “Please-a, for me!” And that’s the only phrase I remember, because it was embossed (or maybe embroidered) in my brain. That’s all that I remember: SNAP, “Please-a for me,” and no tips. I would work my ass off. My ass was not very big back then and I would run, RUN for the tourists! And there would be no tips. Never. They would be reminded on the busses that it was standard for those sad little Orlando people to be tipped, but they weren’t worried. They weren’t intimidated.
I’m also very sure that driving is a hot button for all involved regarding tourists. I will not waste your time elaborating in that department, but seriously, tourists, get the BLEEP out of my way! I’ve got a deadline to adhere to!