Fall’s Coming…it’s fall…did you know that FALL IS HERE?!?

Fall’s Coming…it’s fall…did you know that FALL IS HERE?!?

I could have totally come up with a super douchy title like “I’ve Fallen for Fall,” or some other stupid nonsense, but that would insult the integrity of my post. Or heighten people’s expectations. Whatever. Whether or not you are ready, or choose to believe it, or have a heartbeat, fall is upon us. It’s UPON US!!! I am very anti-summer. It’s not a conscious choice. It comes naturally from deep within my tightly clenched bung. I love being off with my kids, going to the library, the beach, vacations and swatting juicy, blood sucking mosquitoes off of my neck. I’m from Florida, so oh yes I can. I also REALLY look forward to trekking through that last rough month of school, and telling my kids, and probably more myself: “Only 3 more weeks…if we can just get through these…last…few…weeks…”

So how do I know Fall is coming? Because it was just my birthday, it was just my BIRTHDAY! My birthday is the opening ceremony of fall festivities. September 10th. It’s the beginning of the best, most magical, tinsel coated, pumpkin dipped time of the year. I’m very honored to bestow this gift to my family every year. “Yes, it’s Mommy’s birthday, and my gift to you is far better than anything you’ll be giving me.” (I say that part in my head bc I’m not that much of a jerk) I hereby give you….FALL!

After putting on some makeup in the mornings, I totally unresemble this look.
After showering and putting on some makeup in the mornings, I totally unresemble this look.

I am this happy that it’s FALL!!!  And I’m even more excited to give you, my comatose audience, my list of fall favorites!

Look at this ridiculous half wit. When you see her, don
Look at this ridiculous half wit. When you see her, don’t make eye contact and she will just keep walking.

Okay, so here are the reasons why I CAN’T FREAKING wait for fall!

  • There is NOTHING that says “FALL IS COMING!” like pumpkin, harvest or fall/autumn flavored Yankee Candles.  My 3 kids participate in this school fundraiser every year, and my soon-to-be-foreclosed-on-house since I just drained our-#$*@ bank account once again is going to smell FANTASTIC when the bank goons come to deliver the bad news. Oh! I’ll make them a pumpkin loaf.
  • Pumpkin recipes are a kimbo during the beginning of fall! I can’t get enough of the pumpkin loaves, the pumpkin bisques, pies, tarts, dips, muffins, cakes and popsicles. Hey, now!  Pinterest is my very best BFF during the holiday season. I like to start perusing around mid-September. I never know what kind of activity I need to start planning for. What kind of pumpkin concoction can I throw in the crockpot while I go shopping at the most fabulous harvest jamboree that you’ve ever laid your beady little eyes on?!?
  • My church holds the most FABU Harvest Jamboree every year. It was tonight, and I’m still on cloud 8. I’m sorry, but I reserve my 9th cloud for things more deserving, like squishy objects, my baby niece Emma, or shiny things.
  • Being able to say “Well, we can do that bc it’s fall,” or “Yes of course, that’s what we do in the fall.”  I’ve never uttered these phrases, or felt sophisticated enough to even utter such slop, but it’s definitely the time and the season to do so.
  • I love the fall leaves that we don’t have.  If you go to Michael’s or JoAnn’s, you can admire them just the same from either of those establishments.
  • Perusing through the thick pea coats, then settling on a hoodie. With no sleeves. The hood is actually optional. Light crocheted material that is completely see through works best.
  • Pumpkin Starbucks!  Do I even have to explain?
  • Parties. I love parties, I love parties!! A “Let’s celebrate Fall!” party sounds very warm and inviting. Whose having one? Because I’m NOT about to get my new $8 wall-to-wall rug that I just bought at the harvest jamboree any kind of soiled. If you invite me, I promise to bring some kind of melted or crispy new pumpkin recipe that I’ve tried out, and can’t ever manage to get the oven timing right for. Blackened is the new burnt.
  • When I was interviewing all of my very credible sources for this informative article, my mom advised that her favorite part of fall is watching women go from sundresses and flip flops to sweaters, scarves and boots after that one degree shift in temps. I can’t help it, I’m totally one of those goobers. Why? Because it’s fall. The temperature just dropped from 93 to 89, so ya better go secure yourself a turtleneck, or else you’re going to get yourself a goosebump.
  • Every year my mom accompanies us to a neighboring church’s pumpkin patch. Most normal people would tire or graduate from the what-once-was-white life sized stuffed Snoopy that is wisely used as a prop for the family picture backdrops. Not us. When we first started going 9 years ago, said Snoopy was already turning an ashy, dingy gray hue. Now, he’s a tired, broke down zombie slouch fest bacteria bag who is peering over at us with the one eye that’s half attached while every child still continues to hug and spread their little affectionate germs all over his cootie infested body.
  • No pedicures for weeks upon weeks!
  • Yes, I’m gonna say it: Black Friday shopping!!!! I take my kids Black Friday shopping. I love that wild crazefest and my kids do, too. They look forward to it, they dream about it, and they step up to bat. They are champions, they are on deck when they need to be, and they frequently cheer for me or Grammie when we hit one out of the park. We are idiots. My kids are smart, and they already know how to humor old people.
  • Pumpkin Beer! OMG, it’s creamy and heavenly, and it’s a refreshing mouth full of un-summer.
  • All the new pumpkin flavored and pumpkin scented things that I find every year! Pumpkin Oreos! Don’t just pass them by in the grocery aisle like I did while dry heaving at just the thought of the concept. Open your mind, grab a pack, and I promise that you will not be sorry. Oh! Your dog peed on the floor? No worries!  Clean it up with this pumpkin flavored soap.
Photo editing courtesy of PicMonkey
Photo editing courtesy of PicMonkey      http://www.picmonkey.com/
  • I’m even happy to see those stupid, nasty, hard nuggets of candy corn.
  • Every day is a photo moment! Dress your kids up in boots on the day of the pumpkin patch visit regardless of the 98 degree weather? Click. Photo done. You’re leaving a very well known shopping establishment on Black Friday, and your mother is picking you up in the parking lot in her teal colored SUV, and you get excited as you spot her car, open the back door, get ready to jump in, and realize the lady peering at you is not your mother, but in fact a very scared lady who now needs to go back in the store for a new pair of underwears? Click.
  • Finally, the beginning of FALL means that my very favorite holiday is upon us! Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming!  Grab a hold of yourself. That topic alone is getting it’s very own blog post.

So, in a glazed hazelnutshell, Fall rules, and summer drools. And I’m an immature jackass. In all reality, all joking aside – I probably get 99% of my love for the holidays from my mother and grandmother. They love to cook delectable dishes for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and their decorations are. to. die.  There is just no way I would have come out of utero a non fall lover.  There is nothing funny about that last sentence, or maybe the entire blog post, I don’t know for sure, but here are 2 funny words: Jackniblet. Bungchutney. Munch on that.

orangegood And then, pray tell, as fall inevitably comes to an end, and Christmas and the holidays are over once again, and the financial aftermath has come, I weep. I throw myself a big tantrum and I scream at the universe: “When’s my birthday coming again?”

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  1. Being the mom and Grammie mentioned, I’ll have to say “you’re welcome”!!

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