I’m so fancy!

Sup.  So, my mom used to give me and my brother $150 worth of cold, hard cash to go “back to school clothes shopping” back in the day. That money covered jeans, tops, shoes, (both jelly and high tops) accessories, and a years’ supply of Aqua Net. I remember thinking about those days, looking forward to them like they were Christmas morning. Handing a “unique” person like me a wad of cash, with the orders to spend it on myself?  Oh. My. So, of course the one splurge I would make was to make a beeline for the jeans shops, because in the ’80’s, if you didn’t have any Sasson or Jordache, you were lowly, crusty pond scum. So, off to the Pine Hills Shopping Center me and my brother went!  This spectacular plaza contained Lerner, (now known as the illustrious “New York & and Co“) Payless, Woolworths, Belk Lindsey, and Denim World for Levi’s! And don’t think I didn’t venture into the record shop and purchase myself a very well-needed Duran Duran and/or some Violent Femmes tunes. But only the singles. I’m not made of money. Put the needle on the record!

I would come home every time those fading, ancient years with bags upon bags of treasures. My brother, on the other hand, would buy like a Polo shirt, a half a pant leg, and some shoe strings. (With no aglets) He was much more into name brands than his female, feathered-haired counterpart.

So, those memorable hey days began my lifelong quest for bargains. I can never go into a store and not head straight for the clearance racks.  I just can’t. I’m not wired that way. I could never, EVER pay full price for certain things. And, clothes are definitely at the top of this list.

Consignment-Blog-Target-LadyFlash Forward to current day. Not like fast forwarding VHS tapes, because that just downright SUCKED. Our Church has an annual rummage sale.  Now, for most people, it’s not something that they add to their i-calendars with yearly updates that include 1 and 2 week reminders.  For me, it’s an annual 2 hour mental marathon that I have to be 100% in shape for. Weeks in advance (minutes) I will try and perform some fitness couch sprints. You never know how many times I will need to hunch and grab for an item that someone else is simultaneously going for. It’s kind of like the Olympics. But more selfish. Hunch, GRAB! Repeat.

So we hit the rummage sale a couple of weeks ago. I go in with a plan. I need to hit the “boutique” first, because that is where all of the “high end” items are. I mean, that is where I picked up my faux Uggs last year, my leopard print purse, my bangle bracelets, 4 tops and here comes my daughter forcing me to buy her a purse also. I bust my way in. And when I say “bust,” I totally mean that I walked in there in a very polite manner and I headed directly over to the purses (after holding the door for about 12 people). Another leopard print purse still with the tags? Yes! Sign a sister up. No shoes this time, and only 2 tops and a pair of khakis, but I kicked major rear with my jewelry findings. I ended up getting 7 pairs of earrings, 2 Christmas earrings, a bracelet, an OLAF PIN, and the other stuff mentioned above. Score. SCORE!  Oh and we bought a super nice patio chair that my jerkface cat sits on and claims as her own for $20.  Here is my score from the rummage sale:

3rd blog picHere are more things that get my gludes in a bundle:

 

I’m not one of those people who are “too good” for hand me downs or second hand stores. I like things that are fantastic, and I like all things that are inexpensive. I pay full price for things, as my husband would narc on me in a damn hot minute and tell you, but nothing gets me more excited than spending the day going from Goodwill to a thrift shop, bidding on something from Ebay, while I check my mailbox for my Amazon package. SQUEE!!

I also love me some Target. There’s an extremely delicate balance there of being practical, yet still having sooooo many pretty, shiny things. I never go crazy with money. I don’t ever stick to my budget, though. Not on purpose, but just not something that my pea brain can ever comprehend. That and my super slimy math skills are not a marriage made in Heaven. I’ll leave there with a $45 receipt of deep regret and loathing. I don’t drop the big bucks, but I should have been able to get more of that shit on SALE. I’m busting a gasket. Not in a good way.

So, I guess the moral of my story is that I’m a big, fat, clearance rack overspender. Instead of being able to adhere to a budget, I’ll jack that budget up by spending twice as much thrifting. But, it’s soooooo much adrenaline. It’s my thing.

Wait…What do we have here?  A hopeless, gratuitous plug for ALL THINGS FALL?  What petty, opportunistic nonsense.

Anyhoo – As I was saying: I’d rather go to Ross than Bloomingdale’s. I know the layout. I have the blueprints etched on the inside of my brain mechanisms. I can be all sophisticated and professional when I need to be, but Ross is just my type of people.

Oh my God. I’m sorry. I just can’t help myself. It’s FALL!!!! And being thrifty and saving money is SO much more fun in the fall!!!

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