I am not here to lie. I am here to offer up all of my transgressions. And by that, I mean I thought the new Wonder Woman movie was going to straight up SUCK! Not suck in the way that it wouldn’t make a cashwad of jack, be uber inspirational and cater to a whole new dynamic of female superheros, but suck in the way that I’m not really an action movie type of broad, and I was expecting a whole lot of nada.
But, DA-YUM. A sister was surprised! I will admit that my attention was 79% more on stance when Chris Pine crashed through the Hunger Games arena porthole mirage, but still – the movie was quite fabulous.
I do like the back story. I always need and appreciate a good story. It doesn’t have to be believable per se, but it has to be REAL good. I mean I’m a huge Harry Potter fan, loved Twilight, 50 Shades, and Wizard of Oz. So, obviously I bend the rules on the believability aspect. In Wonder Woman, I did love the female only amazon island and the Daniel son (old school) fight training. However, as sappy as it may seem – I just can’t drag the notion from my brain regarding the alternate ending that I completely made up on the spot, right from my movie viewing seat.
SCENE – Wonder Woman and crew visit the memorial photo wall at the very end of the flick. She is PINING for her love, CHRIS (who cares or remembers what his name really was) and her heart aches and burns with sadness. As she stands there gazing at her dead beau’s photograph, a very haggard, still ruggedly hot, (a few buttons ripped off the shirt for effect) Chris Pine stands behind her close enough for her to feel his breath on her neck and whispers: “Whatcha looking at, boo?” I mean, that would have been amazing! I don’t care about how the plot needed him to live, blah blah, blah. In my head, and with the closure that I still need, I fancy this alternate ending much more than the stupid one that the writers came up with. RIGHT???
Oh! Also, since I was so intrigued and inspired, this flick really got me thinking: “What superhero would I be?“ Then, I drew an immediate blank. But, then I pontificated on it and then I eventually came up with this.
Captain Squirrel! ADD’s caped mascot crusader!
I didn’t have an actual squirrel mask, so I improvised with my daughter’s fox one. Back on task: I seriously have so many hobbies and things that I need to be doing that if my day were divided up into 7 periods like in high school, I might have a chance of getting shit done again. It’s all about the mandatory scheduling. Let’s just assume that my kids are away at camp, and here’s the way that I could be spending some of the weeks out of my summer when my kids aren’t home. Or that I went back into time on 21 Jump Street.
<BELL> Period 1: Scrapbooking. <BELL> Period 2: Blogging Hour. <BELL> Period 3. Dinner Prep and house cleaning – I mean it’s an hour more than what I dedicate to it now. <BELL> Period 4: Novel Writing <BELL> Period 5: Jewelry Making (to sell online) <BELL> Period 6: Random Paintings or one time crafts <BELL> Period 7: Knitting <BELL> Period 8: Reading <BELL> Period 9: Scrapbooking (I have about 9 boxes of pictures, heard) <BELL> Period 10: Ebay sales. Seriously – How many periods are there in school! But, this is the only way I’ll ever be able to get shit done. This is why I need a superhero to save my soul.
I think the way my caped crusader could help save lives in the super hero sort of way would be to give little kids something to be initially frightened about, after they tinkle or soil their clothing, then ease off and then their parents will explain to them my super human powers. The ones who maybe have ADD/ADHD or just have a series of the symptoms, or are just little hot messes, will eventually get it. Oh! Maybe I can be “Organized Woman! Free from chaos and distractions – sure to focus on one task at a time, never forgetting one single item, AND never to be tempted by impulses or to finally be able to listen to someone else’s boring story without falling asleep with my eyes open!” They say “Dress for the job you want!” Well, sign me up. I could probably start with some Tupperware.
So, the moral to this story is: There doesn’t always have to be a moral. Sometimes stories are just dumb, meaningless and doesn’t invoke one brainwave movement whatsoever. I think I was put on this planet to make people realize that their lives aren’t so bad. They could be holed up on their couches writing a dimwit blog like me – taking 3 hours instead of half an hour, trying to shield off the distractions, and using their super power wrist cuffs to warrant off impulses, as well as eye lasers that can’t at all see right through other people’s brains. I would only use those so I can review what was just said to me in the conversation that I just forgot, not to find out other pertinent information that could affect the outcome of this amazing story.
So, see – everyone needs a superhero. If I am my own ridonkulous superhero, then so be it. What are you the best at, what do you possibly need improvement in? Superheroes come in all shapes and sizes. That’s why sarcasm was invented. Finite.