I’ve been said a LOT of shit to. And I didn’t even care how my grammar was! Because I am a quiet wallflower that holds in my emotions until they burst, people just my have taken advantage of that quality in the past, and taken all liberties to say whatever they wish.
I’ve been insulted a lot. For real, though. Who hasn’t? But, looking back, the worst thing ever said to me was by someone that was supposed to be on my team. This might be the reason why I cut his angry, Napoleon asscrotch loose. It could be the reason.
A long time ago, an ex boyfriend said: “Don’t you EVER have anything intelligent to say?”
Wow. Those were tough and poignant words. Of course I didn’t have anything intelligent, legible, or audible really to say to him because he sucked ass pellets. I think we secretly both hated each other, and although cruel and harsh, this was something that I probably needed to hear at the time. But, when the words came out, my self-esteem crawled far, and more deep back into my bunghole.
Blah blah, how sad. See, back then you could say shit like that to me and my pride would implode. My inner voice was already pissed off at life, so the sweet nothings that I was supposed to be whispering to myself in the form of positive self talk was on perma- strike.
Then, I start thinking to my (young and very thin) 20-something year old self: “Self, are you going to take this shit? This jagass is 5’2 on a good day. I’m no height discriminator, and I’ve eaten my share of shrimp, and certainly am a fan of short stories more than I am tall tales, but this bookocky is no good! You are going to talk to me like that? “You talking to me?” It took me several weeks, but I could no longer take the abbreviated version of the magnificence that I once expected. I was done with this abridged, temporary situation.
Hmmm. Did I ever have anything intelligent to say? Let me think. Well, I know I did somewhere deep down in there. I did to someone who would inspire my words, and who would hear them with succinct acceptance. I did to someone that I could relax with and not be judged (Judy). I didn’t have anything to say to you, who wanted to belittle me, and make me into a smaller version of myself. So, the answer was simply – no.
Little by little, I felt it. I felt the power come in tiny waves. The power that he probably got a minuscule glimpse of when we first met. But, we were just on a much smaller scale that I needed to be, and my love scope was microscopic.
My pocket sized friend would no longer be. It was time that I started to listen to that small voice in my head, and the voices of all 98 of my family members who were waiting with baited breath for any turn of events. My meager attempt at salvaging this minute time in my life was foregone. It was time to move on, and out. And so it was.
So, our relationship was cut short. His insult was short-lived, and my love for him short-circuited. Thank God for small miracles.