So, nobody has ever accused me of having a “poker face.” My emotions are always plastered directly on my face, where a person could read my mind sitting clear across the arena. But, they can’t read my lips. #cameltoe. This is something that I am trying to work on. AsRead More →
Look. I’m a weird freak and you’re never going to get me. Ever. I always have to make excuses for my oddities. It’s very hard to explain to people that I despise the hell out of small talk. Or that I get mentally overwhelmed when I’m in a group orRead More →
Oh my freaking crapfest of BS nonsensical offended universe. I can’t even. It’s a CUP. From a coffee corporation. It’s THAT SIMPLE. So, in light of all of the scampering, offended moronic halfwits, I would like to offer my ideas for the Starbucks cup. Because, I do SOOOOO intently disagreeRead More →
Soooo…I’m thankful for crap just like the next Yahoo, yadda yadda. Other than my 3 angelic freak show nuggets, I also have things that I must confess to being thankful for. So, in light of all of the thankfulness that I’ve been witnessing on Facebook, I hereby bequeath to listRead More →
So I absolutely LOVE to prank people. There’s nothing funnier to me than jacking up someone’s game plan. And, the effect is always so much better, because I’m such a quiet, unassuming person who nobody would suspect of Handi Wrapping anyone’s toilet seat. It’s always completely unexpected and the wowRead More →
If there’s one true instance of a cringe worthy and glistening bunghole bludgeon, it is people who refuse to place importance on using CORRECT GRAMMAR! I do embrace the fact that I can be a little teeny bit semi-quasi snobbish about a couple things in my life. But, damn…asRead More →
So, I love a great one-liner, a fun knee slapper, a great joke. I appreciate this shit. A lot. Buuuuuut – I do unwillingly and begrudgingly admit, though, as much as I am a self-proclaimed and public proclaimed grammar Nazi, I am also sort of a shameful closet comedy Nazi.Read More →
So I have this pesky, quirky, teeny, tiny, microscopic little personality glitch. Just one? Hardly. But, we the jury are here today to focus on only one of my supersonic setbacks. Looking back and connecting the dots, I do vaguely remember being like this ever since I was a fetus.Read More →
Ahoy! Are you physically cut and lean? Do you live for the element of surprise? Do you seek a fast-paced lifestyle? Do you have commitment, charisma and cunning tendencies? Is your stamina at the mediocre mark? Are you easily nauseated? Do you have the coordination and the where-with-all to maintainRead More →
Oh – Cheerio, Governor. So, I am one of those people who have no preference over the words fate versus luck. I think in many cases, there’s a higher power involved, but this is for sure, for SURE not a platform for all of that. Henceforth and so on…so, evenRead More →
Dear MATH: I’m just going to put it out there. Me plus you = we suck. We just do not add up. I have a very bad taste in my gloid for you. You give me the bung puckers. You are my enemy and you have haunted me always, butRead More →
Surprise, surprise. My NY Resolution is late. Big freaking surprise. It’s just sooooo easy for you people to make your nifty, special “New Years Resolutions.” Many of them are actually followed through and obtained. Everyone has their little glitches, their hiccups, their nuances. I have a mountainous pile of glutinousRead More →
Okay. So, listen here. I have a LOT of fears. More than the average wanker. I am afraid of so many, many items of remote interest and/or concern. My own shadow is at the top of the list and I’m mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore! It’llRead More →
I could have totally come up with a super douchy title like “I’ve Fallen for Fall,” or some other stupid nonsense, but that would insult the integrity of my post. Or heighten people’s expectations. Whatever. Whether or not you are ready, or choose to believe it, or have a heartbeat,Read More →